Dangers of 3D: Avatar

Officers responded to a call at 8:32 p.m. this evening at the Century 16 Theater.  A man attending the 7:00 p.m. showing of the 3-D film "Avatar" was struck in the chest by a wooden arrow that left the screen during one of the movie's action sequences.  The theater staff had roped off the seating section, declaring it an unsafe zone.  The man willfully stepped over the ropes to obtain his seat, which he told friends provided him a better viewing angle.  The man was alive and conscious when officers and paramedics arrived on scene.  The arrow had pierced one lung but had caused no damage to the heart.  Paramedics initially declared the man in stable condition, before learning that the film's alien Na'vi race apply a potent neurotoxin to the tips of their arrows.  The man's death was declared while en route to the hospital.  Initial speculation about the man's survival prospects had he reached the hospital sooner was dismissed after the hospital issued a statement claiming that even if the man had still been alive when he reached the hospital, the hospital is not stocked with anything to counteract fictional poisons.

Introduction to the "Shows"

I'm going to run with this whole TV analogy and refer to the crap I'll be writing as "Shows," since I do intend for them to be a set of ongoing series.  Right out of the gate, these are the shows I'll be writing:

The Pitch: how I imagine the studio pitch session went for actually-released movies and TV shows.

The Dangers of 3D: a series of police reports documenting the terror and destruction caused by cinema's latest technology.

Area 51a: a diary detailing the day-to-day troubles of an assistant manager working in the food court at the United States' most secretive military research complex.

And just like a real TV station, I'll add and drop shows often, sometimes in the middle of a maddeningly complex plotline that will be left with absolutely no sense of closure. Because I don't answer to you, Anonymous Internet Reader, I only answer to my heart. Which is why I am going to go get some McNuggets right now, because the sooner I can stop my heart, the sooner I won't have to listen to it anymore.