The Pitch: Stillness in the Water

"The Happening"

Studio Executive and Assistant Studio Executive are sitting behind SE's desk, laughing hysterically. M. Night Shyamalan sits opposite them, looking confused.

M. Night: “What is so funny?”

SE: “It's....(out of breath)....the plants.......they.....hahahahaha.”

ASE: “Wow, that is the most fun I've had all day.”

M. Night: “It wasn't a joke. I have the script all ready to go.”

SE (to ASE): “Oh my God, he's actually serious? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

ASE: “You don't really think we're going to make a movie about killer plants, right?”

M. Night (thrusting the script at ASE): “But it's a very compelling read, if you would just...”

SE: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

ASE: “If they were man-eating plants with teeth, that's one thing. But an invisible toxin? Really?”

M. Night: “But the wind, that's how we generate the fear!”

SE: “Did he just say the wind generates fear?”

ASE: “Yes, he did.”

SE: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

M. Night: “You guys are dicks.”

SE: “Hold on, hold on, hold on.”

Studio Executive catches his breath and picks up his phone. He punches in an extension.

SE (sarcastically): “Hello, Debbie? Yeah, it's me. I need you to go ahead and make a check out to M. Night Shyamalan for however much money he wants. I know he has lost us a ton of money with his last couple movies, and his overall talent has been on a downhill slide ever since his gimmick-dependent debut film, but I really think he's going to turn everything around by making a twist-less film about giant deadly plants.”

M. Night: “They're not giant.”

SE: “Jesus Christ! They're not even giant? HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Studio Executive slams the phone back in it's cradle and continues laughing, unable to even look M. Night in the face.

ASE: “Look, come back to us when you have an idea that's a little more.....um......anything else.”

M. Night: “Screw you guys.”

M. Night marches angrily out of the room. After a few moments, Studio Executive finally catches his breath and ceases laughing.

SE: “Oh man. I'm winded.”

ASE: “I can't believe he was actually serious with that thing.”

SE: “It's just sad, what people think Hollywood will make these days.”

A moment of silence passes between them.

ASE: “Debbie knew you were joking, right?”

SE: “Yeah, of course she did.”